Do you ever find yourself lost in the ebb and flow of life?
Like the tide, one minute you do this, the next you do that. But why?
Do you ever question why? Some places in our lives we just “take life as we come..” sometimes we even change things when we are happy with where we are at because we feel a pressure or current to change the direction of life.
Now, I am not saying that God doesn’t move in those moments too, and listening to the gentle directions is good. But, do you know how to identify which current to follow? or are you unknowingly being swept into an undertow?
Lately I have truly questioned some of the what seems “normal” ebbs and flows of life.
One of them being Motherhood.
I truly enjoy Motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I love being my daughters mother. ❤
But man, is the pressure on once they turn 1 years old. And if you are a parent, you know exactly what I mean.
“So,……when will *insert name* get a little sibling?” or “so when will you start trying again?”
Thus ushering in the unbeknownst to many mothers “un-natural” ebb and tide feeling.
It is a intense, yet subtle pressure to make a change. Whether meant on purpose or not. Its the focus, the intense and subtle focus. And it truly has been a struggle. And I believe it is a pressure many women feel and accidentally allows to influence their decision making. *note- I do know that it is not the case for ALL families and that it is not always a planned thing. I am mostly speaking of the situations of family planning*
But, I think its very sad. People forget to ask how YOU are, how you are enjoying RIGHT NOW. There is such a small season between children that is not fully enjoyed. Because all people want to focus on is the next big exciting change. ANOTHER CHILD.
I for one decided recently that I wasn’t ready yet. But, I felt this subtle pressure that something was wrong if I wasn’t ready yet. I also recently miscarried. Although it was early (I was not even 6 weeks), I was sadly relieved, and I felt conflicted for feeling that way. I would have gladly made life work for that little one. But, I was grieving over what I felt I had JUST attained. Now, to some that may sound selfish, and some may say “well, children are a sacrifice, and we just have to lay our selfishness down as parents for them.” I only half agree with that.
I would lay my life down for my daughter in a heartbeat. But, I will not lose myself. There is a difference. She was given to me to raise from God, because there is something about WHO I was made to be that is going to help nurture WHO God made HER to be. (same with her Daddy) And if I lose that. I am failing her as a Mother.
If I do not learn to take care of myself and continue to nurture who I AM, I will not be able to pour myself out to her as she becomes who SHE IS. Savvy?
And so, when I lost my little one, I realized I wanted to care for myself a little bit longer and enjoy this point in life in between little Stewarts to not only have one on one time with my girl, but with my Husband and myself. That way when I enter that next season of life (which will come) I will be full and nurtured so that I can pour into 2 children. (which is a lot of selflessness).
I want to enjoy-
how I look in my clothes, and the fact I am at pre-baby weight again and still losing weight.
going out with friends and enjoying a snazzy drink.
work hard and play hard as a family of 3.
have the energy and focus to pursue my hobbies.
spend time with my husband on weekend trips and nights alone. (we all know that gets neglected during baby time)
I am not saying that all women are sheep and letting others shape how they do their motherhood. BUT, I do think a lot of women forget to question WHY they feel like they should do certain things. And then they forget to enjoy seasons of self care. That are SUPPOSED to be there for our own growing and rest.
I think if more women focused on asking how other Moms are doing and ask them about hobbies and passions outside of their title,. we would find a lot more peaceful and fulfilled mothers.
These are my thoughts, and it makes me sad to see so many of my mom friends not know who they are anymore besides “Mom”. And although there is an element of that that is beautiful and normal. Losing yourself completely to that is VERY dangerous.
It is a honor and an important title, but it should only be a PERCENTAGE of who we are. ( and each women’s percentage is different, but I dont think it should ever be 100%).
We are wild, sensual, loving and strong, a reflection of our Creator. He called us to reflect all facets of Him,. Don’t lose it.
Enjoy each season, and listen to Him on when it is time to go with the direction of the tide.
Thats just me, and what God is teaching me.
Cheers to you Mama’s!
Until next time,